Frustrating, frustration, frustrated

The below is written at night, a sleepless night. Hence, the content will incline towards emotions.

Many have learnt about my participation in a major race. A few said they “peifu” my guts for signing up. Little do they know the fears I hold within myself…particularly the fear of not being able to complete the race. I thought these fears would go away as I get busy with my training, planning and the NATAS-SWET thingy. Darn it! My time management is too good, still got time to hu si luan xiang.

As I was packing my Stage 6 race food just now (and aw they weigh a ton!), a stupid thought just shot out, “U won’t get to eat it anyway.” I felt so lousy. Such “prognosticative” thoughts are like little devils dancing inside my head. It’s so true when they say the biggest enemy is always oneself.

I chided myself for being paranoid again & tried to deal with it logically, drilling down to the causes. Is it because of past experiences that led me thinking negatively? Or my undiagnosable health conditions that “surprise” me by rendering me breathless or surging my sugar level when no apparent incident could have possibly caused it??? Perhaps it’s just my own expectations afterall? Yet again what expectation is there? I only want to complete it safely...

Matthew 6:34 (New King James Version) Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.